mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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