i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
