I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
