Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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