i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize