If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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