And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
