hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
