please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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