I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize