We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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