it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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