i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
