i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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