We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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