Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
