your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
