You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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