Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
