If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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