someone get that fucking seahorse.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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