Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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