My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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