I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
