I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
