I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
