he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
