If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize