I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
