sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
do herpes really smell.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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