What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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