peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
