I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
