Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
