Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
