you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
