so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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