Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
