all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
