My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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