Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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