Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
