Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize