my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
