They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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