I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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