I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
