I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
