apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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