I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
