my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
