are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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