I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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