Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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