i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize