I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
