I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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