i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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