I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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