I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
