I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
