The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize