I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
