I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
