Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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