He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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