...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
