so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
