Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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