sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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