She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
