we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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