i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
