The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
