Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
