I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
