I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
