peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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