she looked like the before picture.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hippo gnu deer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
