Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
