oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
