if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
