guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
