I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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