Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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