Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
