i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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