I seem to have left my pride at pride
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
