then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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