Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She told me I should be a condom model.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
