The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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