I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
