I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
