VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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